Fear of Living

I had no fear of death. At one point, I thought this to be bravery, but now I know, it is rather that living…truly living, strikes the deepest fear in me. The vulnerability of it all, of being hurt. Will it be unbearable?

This is natural to be afraid. It’s frightening to imagine loving with whole hearts and losing, paralyzing to speak our hopes knowing the possibility of defeat. It’s heartbreaking to think that something we cherish could break.

Though, our fear doesn’t disappear when we close our eyes, and if we hide, our fear alone hides with us.

And these fears are meant to exist, too. Our mind is simply doing its job, trying to protect us. Though if, for a moment, we allow ourselves to be truly brave, not in the face of death…but instead, brave enough to open our eyes to life, we will see that the fear and joy of living can co-exist. We are big and expansive enough, and created to feel them both…and that all of it - the pain and the peace together - make up the utter perfection of what it means to be human.