Episode 22: How would you handle an employer doubting your ability?
To create space for Jackie to write her upcoming book, To You Who Wonders – an advice column meets memoir – she will be reading from her past column, Ask JKE, for Virtuvi's Natural Habitat Magazine.
This week, she is answering the question "How would you handle an employer doubting your ability to manage projects when you know it stems from internalized racism and unconscious bias?" She reflects on the answer she wrote so many years ago and shares her reflections, what has evolved since, what she would have written differently or what she was experiencing at the time she wrote it.
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We hope that you get something helpful out of this conversation. If anything, know that you’re not alone. You see, we all struggle, mourn, yearn, question, laugh and cry. No matter our age, background, or titles, at our core, we are all not so different, You & I.
Make sure to listen until the end to hear the question we will be diving into on the next episode. And if you feel inspired to respond to this asker and are interested in being a guest of this episode, or if you have a short word of wisdom for them, write to us on the contact page on youandipodcast.com or DM us on Instagram at @youandi.podcast.
Episode Resources:
Jackie Kai Ellis: Website / Instagram
Vitruvi's Natural Habitat Magazine: Website / Instagram
You & I Podcast: Website / Instagram
Resources on finding trusted professional help can be found here.
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The following transcript was automatically generated. Please be aware that it may contain errors. Thank you for your understanding.
Welcome to You and I.
I am Jackie Kai Ellis and it’s my genuine hope that through sharing our most vulnerable stories, we know, in the moments where it matters so much, that we are not alone.
It needs to be said, I am not a professional, just someone with some personal experience to share. I do hope this is helpful, but as always, take the advice that resonates and ignore what doesn't. And don’t hesitate to seek out professional help through a trusted source. We’ve provided links on our website in case you need them..
For the next couple of months I’ll be focused on writing my upcoming book, To You Who Wonders, an advice column meets memoir. So to make space for that, I’m sharing words from my past advice column, Ask JKE, one I wrote for Vitruvi’s magazine, Natural Habitat.
It’s been a few years since I wrote them, some advice is timeless, and yet I’ve changed so much too. I’m curious how my advice will be different now that my perspective is different. So in these episodes, I’ll read out the column and also share my reflections, what has evolved, what I would write differently or what I was experiencing at the time I wrote it.
I hope you enjoy the Ask JKE series.
Today, I’ll be reading the column I wrote in answer to the question, “How would you handle an employer doubting your ability?”
They write:
Dear JKE
How would you handle an employer doubting your ability to manage projects when you know it stems from internalized racism and unconscious bias?
-Hopeful Employee
Dear Hopeful Employee,
Internalized racism is crude and tragic, to put it lightly.
I haven’t had a lot of personal experience with opportunities being withheld from me due to me being Chinese Canadian (at least that I know of), but I have dealt with internalized sexism. These “isms” are perpetuated everywhere. They are built into the systems of our everyday lives; into the algorithms of what we consume; into the subtle language we use; into our humor; into the “norms” we don’t think to question.
We all have unconscious biases in some way, making it more complex. I know that I must. Even those who work hard to be conscious about their own biases simply don’t know what they don’t know. We all have blindspots. This doesn’t mean we can use our blindness as an excuse—it means that we need to be open when others bring new perspectives to the table, to reflect on how these perspectives could be true in our lives, and to think about what may need to change.
Unfortunately, it seems to be a common story that when “isms” are challenged, it’s often the victim who is blamed as a way to deflect inexcusable behavior, further strengthening these biases. And the biggest difficulty is that these behaviors can be very tricky to pinpoint, to call out, to prove, and sadly, to fight against.
I would like to believe that, as with all the battles that have been fought over lifetimes, change is slowly inching forward. Regardless, if you find yourself in a situation where your lived experience is causing opportunities to be withheld without much choice or a forward path, it can feel like you’re being backed up against a wall.
As with any multi-layered problem, there are many possible ways to move through this one. Some would suggest fighting racism directly in the workplace; others might suggest walking away and looking for another (more inclusive) environment. In my opinion, there’s not any particular solution that is better than another. How you choose to tackle this enormous challenge is very personal and is for no one else to judge; you are the one weighing the consequences of your actions and experiencing circumstances that no one else is privy to.
Maybe what you’ve tried hasn’t worked yet, causing you to feel as if you don’t have any control over the future of your career. So perhaps the most helpful suggestion is for me to share what I might do to exhaust what little control you may have, from the perspective of having been both an employer and an employee.
Set aside a dedicated time to meet with your employer to talk about your goals at the company. Express your passion, what you love about your work and about the company, and what you gain from your role. Outline the areas you know you need improvement in, as well as the value you know you bring to the table. Then be explicit about where you are and where you aim to be. In my experience, employers love passion, dedication, ambition, and proactivity; they want to invest in people who are willing to invest.
Prepare yourself for this meeting by doing informal reviews with colleagues, clients, and those who work under you. Ask them what they feel are your greatest strengths and your biggest areas of improvement. Having this written feedback will arm you with a clear understanding of your perceived value to the company during this meeting, coming from voices that are not as easily dismissible.
Ask your employer for clear, definable feedback regarding what you need to do in order to reach those career goals. What skills are currently keeping you from being ready to take on the challenge of managing projects? Ask them to provide a list of measurable skills, deliverables, and milestones with realistic timelines in which to achieve them. Keep in mind that each item should be clearly measurable so that it keeps the results factual and with no margin of ambiguity. In situations of unconscious racism, clearly defined results cannot be easily refuted.
Make a plan to set monthly or quarterly reviews of these measurable milestones with your employer. If some milestones require action or permission on their part, ask them if you can hold them accountable to their role in this plan in order to set you up for success. Take notes during the meetings and send recap emails on what was discussed, action items, and timelines so that you both have a clear understanding (and a record) of your plan.
Where there is unconscious, unintentional bias involved, you may consider asking your boss to become your mentor, depending on your comfort level. Sometimes giving them a deeper personal investment into your success can motivate them to support you. If you don’t feel this will be possible with your specific employer, I would suggest having another mentor in mind, explaining that having one will give you the best chance of succeeding for the company.
Apply for positions within the company that might be above your experience level. Depending on the size of the company and who reviews the applications, vying for higher positions can show your seriousness and ambition. It can also land you a meeting with someone above the person you report to. Additionally, you can send an email or cover letter explaining that you know you may not be qualified for the position, but that you want practice applying for something you want in the future. You can use that time to connect and ask about the skills they are looking for so you are prepared to demonstrate and learn them. By applying for other positions, you may also be able to find other influencers in the company who can champion you.
Finally, if your boss ignores your earnest effort, refutes facts during your reviews, or doesn’t give you those opportunities despite your undeniable accomplishments, their actions will paint a sober picture of the ineffectual management under which you cannot possibly grow, or perhaps the not-so-unconscious racism and bias at play in your workplace.
My hope is that your employer sees your passion and supports your growth. Even if that doesn’t turn out to be the case, and even if you find yourself again at a crossroads, you’ll be more prepared for, or at peace with, your next step.
Whatever you decide, you will now have documentation of your efforts, your measurable accomplishments, and your employer’s actions (or lack thereof). And you will also have proven skills and value that you can confidently speak to when interviewing at a company that will properly appreciate you.
Since this article came out in 2021, I have come to understand bias in a much deeper way. On one hand I am sorry I hadn’t taken the effort to understand it to the depths that it deserved to be understood. And on the other hand, I was on my own long journey of coming to terms with a lifetime of racism and sexism that had been swept under the rug, as a defense mechanism. And admittedly, the fact that I could sweep it under the rug meant that I was privileged on the spectrum of bias against minorities. If I had the choice to turn a blind eye, it is because of my privilege.
I chose to reread this article because I think it would be damaging to leave it as is without amending it, without highlighting the severity and devastation that systemic bias reeks on us. It extinguishes hope, it seeds fear and hatred. It demoralizes someone’s mother or father, sibling, husband, wife and child. In the very least, it destroys self-worth and a sense of reality, making us question truth and morality.
While I do think there are a lot of action points that could be of help in the advice I gave, ones based on good faith and depend on “benefit of the doubt”, what I would add to this article is this:
Fighting racism in the workplace is most often not an option for those who experience systemic racism in the workplace. I think I was coming at this from the perspective of being a boss, having an unconscious bias, and one who tries to be open to being challenged. But for those who are struggling in systems that are not open to change, or even in cases of unconscious and conscious bias, speaking out will only end in torturous work environments and termination.
Could my parents, as new immigrants, have spoken out against racism in the workplace in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s? Or would they have just been labeled a troublemaker and been fired? Could they now?
If a minority is fighting outwardly for equality in a workplace, fighting to change systems that don’t want to be changed…what is the next step? How does that individual fight? Do they fight to be in a company that doesn’t want them there? And if they do choose to voice themselves, I don’t know if I fully considered what kind of emotional and mental load and sacrifice they would have to shoulder, with little to no support afterwards? We all want change, and yet, so often change is expected to be instigated by the oppressed group, the group with no security, no safety, no stage, no support.
I don’t have the answers. I guess I just wanted to say that the situation is so much more complicated and nuanced than I understood at the time I wrote this. That I see a little more, just how much more confusing and near impossible it is
I’m sorry I don’t have anything helpful to offer. But to anyone that is in a leadership position in a company, to anyone that is responsible for one or thousands of people, to anyone that has more security, safety, stage or support, I suggest you read the book of a past guest, Ruchika Tulshyan. She wrote the bestseller, Inclusion on purpose: An Intersectional Approach to Creating a Culture of Belonging at Work. It’s a book that has changed my perspective on inclusion and I do believe that change is not only possible, but it is imperative for future generations. Get the audiobook to listen to on your commute, or while running errands, it’s not that much effort. But it might change the world.
I hope you enjoyed this episode in the Ask JKE series. I hope you got something helpful out of this…if anything, know that you’re not alone. You see, we all struggle, mourn, yearn, question, laugh and cry. No matter our age, background, or titles, at our core, we are all not so different, You & I.
And I have a special announcement to make. We are currently planning our 1 year anniversary LIVE episode on Youtube and Instagram. I will be inviting my very first guest from episode one, Sandra Birkenhead, counselor based in Victoria, BC and Caroline Boquist, who is the co-owner of Walrus in Vancouver. They are two of my very closest friends and people I go to regularly for advice. We will be going through all the questions we’ve received and have not yet answered as well as taking audience questions LIVE, too.
And, I have to say, this anniversary episode will be my last episode for a while. In order to create the space needed to write my book, To You Who Wonders, I have made the decision to place You & I on hiatus.
I’ve learned a lot about myself through creating this podcast, through exploring your questions. And one of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt from a recent episode is about being kind to yourself, giving to all areas of my life equally and sustainably, and changing the narrative around “giving your all” and the need to burn out.
So do tune in to the anniversary episode on May 12th at 3:30pm PST, you can find details on the website at youandipodcast.com and on instagram @youandi(dot)podcast. And if you have a question you’d like me to explore, join us and ask LIVE on that day!
If you enjoyed this episode, like and subscribe to our channel, which helps others who might be interested, find us. And feel free to share this episode with someone who may find it helpful as well. Thank you for joining us today. I’m Jackie Kai Ellis, this is you and I.